Alone

Do you ever just feel alone? In theory, I'm never alone, not with the boys running around. I mean "friend" wise. I'm surrounded by people, most of which are going through this deployment right along with me. Yet I feel alone.

There are only a few people I would ever really talk to, and when I say talk to, I mean indulge feelings and deep thoughts to. I suppose I put on a good show for most of them, appearing to be happy, and having it together. However, when I close the door at night, I take off my "happy face."

Most of them come to me for advice and help, which I am honored that they have chosen me, but at the same time, if they are coming to me, who do I go to? I tend to keep to myself most times, I only know a select few of my neighbors. I've lived in this house for almost 3 years now, and in those 3 years, I've said goodbye to some good friends. But now, the neighborhood is slightly run down, by other women whose husbands are deployed and they parade around acting like sluts.

Even lately, I feel like I am being shit on by a few of the neighbors I actually do know. Their kids are at my house most of the day, and end up being here for dinner. I know the one neighbor rarely cooks a good meal for her kids, so in a sense, I feel obligated to feed them. They are not my responsibility, yet how can I tell a kid who is hungry that he/she can't have any food? Then the other neighbor, her and her hubby have gotten home from work, and just left. I guess they just assumed that I would watch their child. Don't get me wrong, they have all helped out in their own little ways, but not nearly as much as I have. Yes, yes, I know we shouldn't expect anything in return, but it never hurts to wish someone actually would.

I am surrounded by people, yet all I see is blank faces. They all seem so "empty" which leaves me feeling alone.