I just want to give up

I really would never give up, but today, I just really felt like giving up. Out of no where, my oldest son has started having behavior problems. Only the problems are not at home, they are at school. Out of the blue, he has started refusing to do his work, crying, screaming, crawling under his desk, kicking the desk, just all around acting out.

I have been working with the teachers, principal and school counselor to try and figure out the problem, and they have been great on working with me and Jo, but we have reached a point that we have no clue why this has come about.

I made Jo an appointment to go see a counselor, so I'm really hoping that they will be able to help us sort this out.

Last night, Rob called again, and Jo talked to him for about 25 minutes, thats the most they have talked since Rob was home back in September. I was in the kitchen doing dishes and I heard Jo tell his dad that it makes him sad they he missed Christmas, and that he is missing is birthday(its on Saturday) that he'll probably miss his 1st grade graduation, and he missed his whole first year of being in Cub Scouts.

I felt really bad for Rob, Jo just really gave him a guilt trip. Yet at the same time, I know Rob understands that Jo just really needs to vent about this deployment. Which leads me to think, that although I don't think this deployment is the root of all the problems Jo is having, I think its a big part of the problem.

I stop and think how much this deployment has wore me down, and gotten the best of me on more than one occasion, I can only imagine what it does to kids, and especially mine right now. I mean I see how it effects my kids, but most times they won't open up and express what they are feeling, I on the other hand will give you an ear full if you ask me. We are only about 11 months into this deployment, with less than 5 to go, but to the kids, its still an eternity to them.

At any rate, I really hope putting Jo in counseling will help him, I feel so helpless as a mother, because I don't know what to do.

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After 18 wonderful days.....

The time came for the boys and I to put Rob back on a plane bound for the Middle East. I'm not even sure how to describe what I'm feeling right now. I think with the holidays coming up, it is really going to be a trying time. Although we are a military family, and separations happen quite frequently, Rob has some how always been home for the holidays.

I guess the only positive thought I have right now, the next time we see Rob, it will be for good, we won't have to give him up 18 days later.

R&R was wonderful, yet awful at the same time. It is such a tease, "here ya go, have your soldier, get used to him being around, but you have to give him back up so he can go back to Iraq and put his life back on the line." Yes I know, this is what he chose to do, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Jonathon asked me when daddy would be home again. I asked him if he wanted the truth or lie, he of course wanted to know the truth, so I told him sometime after 1st grade is over, thats when daddy will be back home. His reply was "holy smokes mom thats a long time"

I managed to snap a few pictures among the hugs, kisses, and I will miss yous'. That and trying to have our "alone" time in the airport. All the people waiting to board the plane were just watching us, really kind of made me feel weird, seeing people, men and women watching us, and wiping tears away from their own eyes as Rob was saying "see ya later" to the boys. Then came the last set of hugs, and the boys latched onto him and didn't want to let go. I must admit, I did the same thing. I even offered to break his legs so he didn't have to go back, he kindly objected to my idea, can't say that I blame him. Anyways, here are two pictures I got this morning.


Rob pointing at us and he telling us he loved us before walking down the ramp



The boys watching as daddy's plane was backing up and going toward the runway

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I think I figured it out

Well part of it anyways. I think I have figured out why my emotions are going crazy as all get out right now.

Rob will be home for R&R in less than 30 days. And while I am thrilled about it, at the same time I am dreading it. Part of me wishes he wasn't taking leave, but I know in the end, I'll be glad he did. After leave, we'll have about 9 more months to go, I was so hoping he would get leave later in the deployment, like after the holidays. Thing is, the boys and are used to him not being around, as sad as that sounds, but since he'll be home before the holidays, I'm afraid we'll be right back in the funk of trying to get our schedule going after he has left, yet again.

And the second part of why I think I'm going a little crazy. All the wives in my neighborhood are preparing for homecoming. Now, why I know they have done their time, its just going to be weird being the only wife on the block still having a deployed husband.


For 18 days, Rob will be home, and we'll be a family again. But it will be short lived. I'm no more going to get used to being able to sleep next to him, and cuddle with him, smell him, then it will be ripped away from me.

I'm just really ready to throw in my deployment towel, and give up.

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#1 Reason I hate deployments

So here I am trying to do my first video email to Rob, and Austin walks in pouting. I just happened to catch it on video, his dad found it hard to believe that he acts like this, since he as always been a moma's boy. I know others have it just as bad, just wanted to share.




Sorry the video isn't the greatest quality.

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